When a man  steals your wife, there is no better revenge,  than to let him keep her.

King  David

After  marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still  they stay together.

Sasha  Guitry

By all  means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be  happy.  If you get  a bad one, you’ll become a  philosopher.

Woman  inspires us to great things, and prevents us  from achieving them.


The  great question, which I have not been able to  answer… is, “What does a woman  want?”


I had  some words with my wife, and she had some  paragraphs with me.
Sigmund  Freud

‘Some  people ask the secret of our long marriage. We  take time to go to a restaurant two times a  week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music  and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go  Fridays.’
Red  Skelton

‘There’s  a way of transferring funds that is even faster  than electronic banking. It’s called  marriage.’
Sam  Kinison

‘I’ve  had bad luck with both my wives.
The first  one left me, and the second one  didn’t.’

James  Holt  McGavra

Two  secrets to keep your marriage brimming.
1.  Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever  you’re right, shut up.

Patrick  Murray

The  most effective way to remember your wife’s  birthday is to forget it  once….

You  know what I did before I married?
Anything I  wanted to.


My  wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then  we met.

Henny  Youngman

A good  wife always forgives her husband when she’s  wrong.
Rodney  Dangerfield

A man  inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife  wanted’. Next day he received a hundred  letters.
They all said the same thing: ‘You  can have mine.’


First Guy  (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’

Second Guy :  ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still  alive.’  Anonymous